tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-218112942024-03-13T11:56:55.682+00:00Not VoodooThere is a streak of heroism in your character like the streak of cowardice in other men's.williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.comBlogger304125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-20369869663425760652011-10-09T22:49:00.001+01:002011-10-09T22:49:12.414+01:00New blog<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Yo.<br />
<br />
I've started a film blog, called <a href="http://10-pointreview.blogspot.com/">Ten Point Review</a>. You should really read it.<br />
<br />
I write a post about a film or a book in ten points, in an hour. I'm going to do one or two a week.</div>
williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-47211353547355349862011-07-03T13:51:00.000+01:002011-07-03T13:51:18.748+01:00D&AD New Blood Greatest Hits<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So I'm doing a talk at New Blood tomorrow, and I thought I'd want to direct them to the blog which I no longer write.<br />
<br />
So here are the greatest hits kids, from back when I was a blogger:<br />
<br />
1. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/04/placement-tradition-nothing-but-rum.html">The Placement Tradition: nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash</a><br />
2. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/01/dave-writes.html">Dave Trott writes</a><br />
3. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/01/dm-mediums-medium.html">DM, the medium's medium</a><br />
4. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/01/propinquity-in-which-our-hero-falls.html">Proximity</a><br />
5. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/07/5-tips-that-will-help-you-win-all.html">5 Tips that will help you win all the awards</a><br />
6. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2008/12/oral-fixation_16.html">My first ad</a><br />
7. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/07/beauty-is-exuberance-pt-2.html">Beauty is exuberance</a><br />
8. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/crunchy-fun.html">Innocence</a><br />
9. <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mood-film.html">Mood film</a><br />
10. <a href="http://wklondon.typepad.com/welcome_to_optimism/2011/01/advice-to-aspiring-creatives-fail-better.html">Fail better</a></div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-49216429491932951242011-03-28T07:14:00.002+01:002011-03-28T07:18:20.418+01:00Brother Alex writes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XVFlYlw5I6o/TZAm9rkS9OI/AAAAAAAAA0E/8iwSdC60u-A/s1600/Boredom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XVFlYlw5I6o/TZAm9rkS9OI/AAAAAAAAA0E/8iwSdC60u-A/s400/Boredom.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of Brother Alex's art therapy exercises</td></tr>
</tbody></table>My good buddy, Brother Alex, the clinically depressed ninja, sends this. I thought it deserved a wider audience:<br />
<br />
<style>
@font-face {
font-family: "Cambria";
}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; }
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">I'm so fucking bored I thought I'd join Guardian Soulmates after all. Here's my profile, what do you reckon?<br />
<br />
I am an extremely attractive male, alluring and mysterious. Everything you could ever dream. And more. I am like a wolf that you want to tame but deep down know that you can’t, and you are ok with that. I am also gentle and sensitive. I am very comfortable with my (hetero)sexuality. My personal hygiene is second to none. I enjoy the music of Michael Bolton, rearing jungle cats and I have a motorcycle. If your application proves unsuccessful and you do not hear from me please don’t be bummed. It’s not you, it’s me. I just have high standards. Soz :( In the words of Jay Z, and later Cher Lloyd from X Factor, “it’s the hard-knock life, for us. It’s the hard-knock life, for us”.<br />
<br />
You are an extremely attractive female (at least a 9) who is shorter than me but has a smoking bod. You are not a smoker. You are beautiful on the inside, but more beautiful on the outside. You are from Spain or Italy or Sweden (well spoken English preferred) with a hint of asian that makes you totally hot. You’re like a cross between Virginie Ledoyen when she was in The Beach and Penelope Cruz (in Vanilla Sky) and an asian chick if they merged their genes in a three-way and had a baby and then the baby grew up to be 24 years old. You can be French, but without the attitude, if you are the Nicole type from the Renault ads (come to papa). Also contact me if you are that girl from the Zovirax cold sore cream ad who does aerobics and swimming in her motorcycle helmet, although only if you have never had herpes and you don’t wear a helmet apart from when you are on the back of my motorcycle (I have a motorcycle). But I only have one helmet and I need that one so ironically you probably won’t even wear one then. You keep yourself super tight you do yoga and kickboxing but you are no threat to me at all. Your personal hygiene is second to none. You don’t have any body hair and you love to wear my underwear and also your underwear which is pants with little hearts and bears on and stuff because that is cute and there is no issues there at all. I do not wear yours except on your birthday. You love cooking and also cleaning but you are not obsessive about it. God you dig me so much and you are a good communicator and you never play stupid games or say “do I look fat in this?” or ask me which jeans to wear and then when I pick one pair accuse me of saying you look fat in the other one, and when you’re upset and I ask you what the problem is you never, EVER say “nothing”, you just tell me straight up what the fucking deal is. Above all you understand the difference between me being perfectly fine not spending every waking fucking second with you, and me “not being bothered about seeing you”. You don’t know what PMT is, why would you? You like to call me “daddy” in bed. For a virgin actually you are incredible in bed. You are 24.<br />
<br />
Is this you? Call me. No Guardian readers.</div></div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-28673280444282485292011-03-25T12:10:00.000+00:002011-03-25T12:10:23.240+00:00Andrew Landsley rap<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Dl1jPqqTdNo" title="YouTube video player" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Ok, ok, this a weird idea. But as an answer to 'How do you inform a disinterested youth audience about the fine print of NHS reform' brief it's a pretty good hit.<br />
<br />
You can pack a lot of information into a rap. This would be an immensely boring long copy ad for instance.<br />
<br />
I wonder who made it all rhyme though? Did they brief the MC? </div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-2967205120715489902011-03-21T10:22:00.000+00:002011-03-21T10:22:57.850+00:00Design update<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Friend of mine showed me what the blog looked like on Safari, and it looked horrible. So I've finally bitten the bullet and updated the layout.<br />
<br />
It's one of the cheesy blogger templates, and I don't like the narrow masthead, but this will have to do. Ok?</div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-37801564192221098912011-03-18T14:51:00.004+00:002011-03-18T15:03:51.270+00:00Fitting in and not fitting in<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-uKdK1uKpUzQ/TYNufZyFznI/AAAAAAAAAzI/O5QKd6B-LmE/s1600/photo.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-uKdK1uKpUzQ/TYNufZyFznI/AAAAAAAAAzI/O5QKd6B-LmE/s400/photo.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's me in the corner</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<br />
I started this blog in 2008 because at the time I was working in an agency that I didn't like, and it seemed like a good way to let off steam. That's why I wrote it anonymously. It gave me a good feeling, the feeling you get from reclaiming the truthful part of your personality that you have to suppress when you're doing work that you don't like for people that you don't like. When <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-can-hear-snow-faintly-falling-through.html">I eventually got made redundant</a> it was a blessed relief.<br />
<br />
So, after a stint at <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/04/check-out-my-new-office.html">Shepherds Bush job centre</a>, nearly two years as <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2010/05/dont-panic.html">freelancer</a>, and some more <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2010/09/judging-book-covers.html">higher education</a>, I got this full-time job. I don't want to go on and on about it, but I like the place I work.<br />
<br />
I know I know: 'You've changed GC. Shilling for the man GC. Just another happy, ordinary stiff huh? Bet you're thinking about moving to Hackney and getting a mortgage on some sort of warehouse conversion so you can ride home on your fixie bike for organic soup at lunch time.''<br />
<br />
Well maybe I am right? And maybe I don't have to take that kind of shit from you. You're not the boss of me. No, not you or anyone. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-uKdK1uKpUzQ/TYNufZyFznI/AAAAAAAAAzI/O5QKd6B-LmE/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div>But this, this is why I haven't been blogging.<br />
<br />
I always think about the impulse to make things in economic terms.<br />
<br />
It's like you have a budget and all of it always gets spent.<br />
<br />
You have a degree of choice about what it's spent on, but there are certain things you can do that mean you have to surrender that choice. Also, if you don't choose where you're going to spend it, it ends up getting spent for you.<br />
<br />
So, for instance, you're a writer and you decide that writing fiction is too boring and difficult and no one reads any more anyway so you stop doing it. Only then you find you start writing yourself notes, lists of things to do, shopping lists, diary entries and as time goes by you write more and more of them, and their tone becomes increasingly hectoring and unforgiving. Until eventually you start thinking that maybe you should have another go at writing a book, that perhaps that actually is the least painful option.<br />
<br />
If you're not tapping it off, it comes out sideways. <br />
<br />
I've written for the <a href="http://www.creativereview.co.uk/back-issues/creative-review/2009/november-2009/why-is-your-agency-full-of-toys">Modern Scoutmaste</a>r, scathingly, about agencies that have toys in them. I think I got this wrong.<br />
<br />
What a good agency does, or should do, is to make you feel like it's ok to bring all of yourself into work. And what the dodgems, the meadow-grass lined conference call room and the space hoppers signify is that there's room for everything. It's the only way to domesticate a lot of sociopaths, so that they'll stop cutting themselves for fun and start selling mobile phone call plans for you.<br />
<br />
So, what I'm saying, is that yeah I haven't been blogging, but that that's good, and that if you were my real friends you'd be pleased for me ok.</div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-56645737234547660822011-02-22T18:05:00.003+00:002011-02-24T09:50:04.879+00:00The Library of Babel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KUd86waxGnw/TWPUEANk4_I/AAAAAAAAAzE/5UFzlpAbqfA/s1600/photo.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KUd86waxGnw/TWPUEANk4_I/AAAAAAAAAzE/5UFzlpAbqfA/s320/photo.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Coffee, sharp pencil, Rhodia pad - that's how I roll</td></tr>
</tbody></table>One of the only good things to come out of Argentina, apart from barbed wire and the biro, is the writer Jorge Luis Borges. He was, by most accounts, a shit poet, but he mastered a peculiar kind of short story, based on the extrapolation of a single mad idea. He's one of the fathers of speculative fiction, and smartass-conceit stories by people like Martin Amis and Will Self.<br />
<br />
Here's how some of his stories work:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>A man who remembers absolutely everything as though it were both current and real. Therefore is trapped in his own past as though it were the present.</li>
<li>A country where cartography is the most prized of all the arts. A king plans to make the most wonderfully detailed map in the world, its scale is 1:1</li>
<li>A country in which absolutely everything, including social status, is decided by lottery.</li>
<li>A library, which is also the universe.</li>
</ul>That last one is my favourite, it's called the Library of Babel you can read it, in its entirety, <a href="http://downlode.org/Etext/library_of_babel.html">here</a>.<br />
<br />
"The universe (which others call the Library) is composed of an indefinite and perhaps infinite number of hexagonal galleries, with vast air shafts between, surrounded by very low railings. From any of the hexagons one can see, interminably, the upper and lower floors. The distribution of the galleries is invariable. Twenty shelves, five long shelves per side, cover all the sides except two; their height, which is the distance from floor to ceiling, scarcely exceeds that of a normal bookcase. "<br />
<br />
The shelves are full of books which contain a random selection of the 26 letters in the roman alphabet, punctuation and spaces. Most of the books are gibberish. Only, since the library is infinite a great many of the books aren't - in fact they contain not just all the works of literature ever written, but the life stories of everyone who lives in the library.<br />
<br />
The library of Babel is a metaphor for language then - and what it shows is that all ideas are nascent in language already. It's just a question of digging them out.<br />
In the Naked Lunch William Burroughs, writing about getting ideas, says that 'Americans want to jump into their stomachs and digest the food and shovel it out again'. The implication is that the brain is an organ, like the stomach, and stuff goes in, stuff comes out. Just like you can't force food through your stomach, you can't force ideas from your brain. I used to try to write adverts by sitting around talking to the art director for days and days, on the principle that most of the creative process was done in the backrooms of the brain, so really it was just a question of entertaining one another, until the machine belched out the answer. <br />
<br />
And maybe, some kinds of ideas do come about like this. <br />
<br />
But these days, I don't really have a partner. And when I want to come up with ideas, I just write a column of numbers in the left hand margin and then start writing lines, one after another. I used to only use this technique for tricksy headlines, and found that I'd start getting good ones, usually after about 40th or so.<br />
<br />
But I've started to think it's just as good for getting conceptual stuff going. Just like rooting around in the library.<br />
<br />
When you think about really great advertising ideas - for instance, 'Just Do It', aren't actually separable from the words which they're expressed in. <br />
<br />
So yeah, all a bit serious.<br />
<br />
In other news, I've got a new tattoo, bright young designer <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/bowtox">Michael Bow</a> did my new banner (nice huh?) and I'm fighting in a second boxing match in March. <br />
<br />
Good times. Wooh.<br />
<br />
</div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-24223942578232927172011-02-03T16:25:00.003+00:002011-02-03T16:27:08.487+00:00Murdoch's continence pad<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUqPHT8g8cI/AAAAAAAAAxs/nLWeVzrvYeE/s1600/iPad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUqPHT8g8cI/AAAAAAAAAxs/nLWeVzrvYeE/s640/iPad.jpg" width="432" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Doesn't apply to me: I've spent the day masturbating over news footage of refugee orphans</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Everyone wants an iPad - you can even sell them by writing stupid headlines like this.<br />
<br />
I don't know if you've noticed, but when you open any newspaper at the moment 99% of the advertising looks like the above. Picture of gizmo, headline, price.<br />
<br />
I'd say this was a symptom of the <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2011/01/tajazzle-your-vajazzle.html"> panic that's gripping advertising now that more and more of the things we sell don't really exist</a>. The iPad has a special place as a fetish object that mediates between the consumer and the spirit world of the internet. Consumers like them because it's a hard object that they that can cling on to as their personality and wordly possessions evaporate into cyberspace.<br />
<br />
Rupert Murdoch wants you to buy an iPad, so you can download his newspaper <a href="http://www.thedaily.com/">The Daily</a>. The Guardian ran the launch story with the headline 'The future of news or dead on arrival?' which I think may be rather wishful thinking on their part.<br />
<br />
Murdoch gives the killer angle on The Daily, the one you'd probably only get from a newspaper owner: 'No paper, no mutil-million dollar presses, no trucks.' As John Lanchester pointed out in this very interesting article in the <a href="http://www.lrb.co.uk/v32/n24/john-lanchester/let-us-pay">LRB</a>, the things that costs loads of money are the physical logistics of printing a newspaper. In fact, according to Lanchester, if the New York Times were to abandon its presses it would have enough spare cash to give all of its readers a Kindle, twice. <br />
<br />
What Murdoch has always been good at doing is selling the same stuff for more money. His media empire is based on a subscription model - Sky sells you the same kind of stuff that you can get for free, with ads, and for money.<br />
<br />
He does this, in the case of Sky, using a combination of exclusive content and advertising. That's really the winning combo. </div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-7449714430801162632011-01-28T10:16:00.002+00:002011-01-28T10:16:16.951+00:00Precisely, Saul Bass. Precisely.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><object height="390" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tfDCNpaPBiA&rel=0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tfDCNpaPBiA&rel=0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Stolen from <a href="http://www.ben-kay.com/">Ben's blog</a>.</div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-33788556997738113392011-01-27T23:23:00.003+00:002011-01-27T23:33:00.339+00:00Lunch, Leon, lions, lezzers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I've always found lunch to be a rather depressing meal.<br />
<br />
Just the relentless tedium of deciding what I'm going to post into my horrible mouth, chew up and swallow at the same time every single fucking day makes me want to cut myself. Recently I've take to going to Leon, because it was founded by and is often staffed by lesbians (and like Larry David I'm a friend o' the lesbians) and because it serves exactly the kind of low calorie balsa wood pabulum that hot, semi-anorexic girls eat for lunch. Just going in there makes me feel like a hungry African lion stalking bow-legged gazelles at a dusty savanna watering hole.<br />
<br />
Raarrrrr. <br />
<br />
Erm. <br />
<br />
Oh yeah, and the branding is great. Take note, brand managers everywhere.<br />
<br />
So standard Leon type is this very tasteful Sans Serif:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUH3vUHLojI/AAAAAAAAAxc/UAB4TblGkGA/s1600/IMG_0140.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUH3vUHLojI/AAAAAAAAAxc/UAB4TblGkGA/s320/IMG_0140.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think typographers like to call this a 'grotesque', but they only do that to trick you into saying 'but I thought it was quite nice actually'</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<br />
But then look, here's a cup. And the type, right, is totally different, and what the fuck is that, if not a full point on the end of the logo?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUH30qnc2pI/AAAAAAAAAxg/-hOyDWOMLCc/s1600/IMG_0138.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUH30qnc2pI/AAAAAAAAAxg/-hOyDWOMLCc/s320/IMG_0138.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bagaguagio indeed</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
And then when you look around the place you notice that they've done things like sew the name into quilts. Look, they haven't even tried to copy the type they use in the regular logo - they've just done their own thing. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUH318Hj2jI/AAAAAAAAAxk/I7RhXuvB6cE/s1600/IMG_0141.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TUH318Hj2jI/AAAAAAAAAxk/I7RhXuvB6cE/s320/IMG_0141.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Digging the revival of quiltwork amongst new wave feminists. The bald man is also a nice touch.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>So, being relaxed about the branding like this has at least two excellent effects, one direct, one inadvertent:<br />
<br />
1) it makes you look relaxed about the branding. Like you've got better things to do, like cooking sweet potato fritatas and keeping hot semi-anorexic girls from growing white fur all over their bodies.<br />
<br />
2) it makes it look like the brand has heritage. People are really good at reading this stuff, and they do it totally intuitively - seeing more than one extant version of the logo makes you believe that it's gone through many iterations, it's a bit like the way they put pictures of kids from the 70s on the walls - it provides an artificial aura of nostalgia, and creates a sense of trustworthiness.<br />
<br />
Consumers have been around branding for nearly a hundred years now - or longer if you count things like flags and crucifixes - I think they can handle this kind of thing. Marketing managers like brand guidelines, but it's quite possible that customers don't give that much of a shit. <br />
<br />
</div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-48430619473140977772011-01-26T12:01:00.002+00:002011-01-26T12:01:41.778+00:00Happy Australian Day Skippies<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/kUlgN__Jrxk" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="480"></iframe></div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-58993446997180329442011-01-21T15:04:00.002+00:002011-01-21T15:04:55.636+00:00A deeply scary animation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dXxPRHkyAvY" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
via <a href="http://malbonnington.com/">Mal Bonnington</a></div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-18990128723502361892011-01-21T10:27:00.000+00:002011-01-21T10:27:32.281+00:00Tajazzle your vajazzle<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_OxtHSQLiZE" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
I had lunch with this dude I know yesterday, he's running a company that helps chronic insomniacs get back to sleep - but without using drugs. They've packaged a load of proper CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, not <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cock_and_ball_torture_%28sexual_practice%29">Cock and Ball Tortur</a>e, Gaydar fans) with a load of modern jiggery-pokery like iPhone apps and online sleep diaries. The clinical trials show what he's doing to be extremely effective, which is not surprising given that it's the NHS prescribed therapy for insomnia, but getting people to pay for it takes a bit of doing. The problem is that he's not selling a tangible thing.<br />
<br />
This is a really modern problem.<br />
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Over the last hundred years you and I have spent our working lives trying to convince people that objects will make them happy. Physical things that they can run their hands over, line up in rows, fill shelves or rails with, polish and clean and otherwise interact with on thoroughly tangible level.<br />
<br />
You might remember this exchange from Jurassic Park, which, sadly I can't find on the interwebs as a video. Geoff Goldblum's character warning the kid off his Buffallo Bill nightvision goggles:<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0274684/">Donald Gennaro</a></b>: Hey, where'd you find that? <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001515/">Tim</a></b>: In a box under my seat. <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0274684/">Donald Gennaro</a></b>: Are they heavy? <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001515/">Tim</a></b>: Yeah. <br />
<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0274684/">Donald Gennaro</a></b>: Then they're expensive, put 'em back. <br />
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Increasingly though things that aren't heavy, are, or should be, expensive. Things like information, music, books lose value as soon as they become digital, because they've lost their object.<br />
<br />
There are lots of good arguments for why these things should cost money - but, importantly, they are arguments. Ironically argument the one thing that modern good advertising does not deign to engage in. <br />
<br />
So basically, we all better get good at making Tajazzle infomercials.<br />
</div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-22990999321223700062011-01-18T17:22:00.000+00:002011-01-18T17:22:29.557+00:00This is a truly wonderful video<iframe frameborder="0" height="300" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/15247292" width="400"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/15247292">EL GUINCHO | Bombay</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/mgdm">MGdM | Marc Gómez del Moral</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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I really need to spend more time in Spain.<br />
<br />
Stolen from Brother Stevie's <a href="http://steviegee.tumblr.com/">new improved blog</a>.williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-81099764433450640122011-01-12T22:18:00.005+00:002011-01-13T10:51:25.692+00:00Fail BetterHaven't posted for a while. <br />
<br />
If you're bored, I suppose you could read this article about<a href="http://wklondon.typepad.com/welcome_to_optimism/2011/01/advice-to-aspiring-creatives-fail-better.html"> failure </a>that some bloke at Wiedens wrote.<br />
<a href="http://wklondon.typepad.com/welcome_to_optimism/2011/01/advice-to-aspiring-creatives-fail-better.html"></a>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-19871267655001470362011-01-04T10:12:00.000+00:002011-01-04T10:12:54.525+00:00It's a fine line between reassuring and threateningOne that George Irvin's funfair doesn't walk entirely successfully IMHO. Does make for a very compelling tone of voice tho. Shepherds Bush Green isn't all that safe at the best of times, but when there's a fair on it, you might as well just stab yourself before you head out.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TSLv49B9avI/AAAAAAAAAxM/LFvkGv-bYBE/s1600/IMG_0149.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TSLv49B9avI/AAAAAAAAAxM/LFvkGv-bYBE/s320/IMG_0149.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Proper cockney use of the word 'levied'</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TSLv7LxMRXI/AAAAAAAAAxQ/_t8xXXzzTT0/s1600/IMG_0147.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TSLv7LxMRXI/AAAAAAAAAxQ/_t8xXXzzTT0/s320/IMG_0147.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All faiths will be respected right? Or your knees will be broken due to my use of this hammer</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All profits from this, once we've paid the new system, who we call Harry the Hammer</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And 16 years porridge is no picnic, Sunshine. Just ask Harry </td></tr>
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</div>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-12178840292702964362010-12-21T14:00:00.003+00:002010-12-21T14:26:13.811+00:00Christmas with Mr. CreosoteI went into HMV in the Westfield yesterday night.<br />
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<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/hmvgroup">Britain's last entertainment retail chain is apparently on the rocks</a>. It's interesting to watch because businesses of this size seem to go through a period just before they die where they become grotesquely inflated versions of themselves. Like stars, or Elvis. <br />
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So HMV now looks the way that it might if it had been laid out based on a description of HMV given over the phone by someone really out of their mind on cocaine.<br />
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Just shitloads of CDs and DVDs and shit everywhere, piles of the fucking things all up the counter in sort of like drifts. An loads of people an babies crying an vomiting. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TRCxW0VSejI/AAAAAAAAAxA/VfhAVhF_beA/s1600/IMG_0132.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TRCxW0VSejI/AAAAAAAAAxA/VfhAVhF_beA/s320/IMG_0132.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look neither to left, nor to the right </td></tr>
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The queue to pay is corralled into an S-shaped rat-run lined with consumer sweeties like burnable DVDs, copies of Up In the Air and the new Take That documentary, and rubber earbud ends.<br />
The counter is constructed entirely from Inception DVDs.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TRCxU-SrRVI/AAAAAAAAAw8/QxPT2eVbEiM/s1600/IMG_0133.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TRCxU-SrRVI/AAAAAAAAAw8/QxPT2eVbEiM/s320/IMG_0133.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
Inception is the perfect supermodern film, confusing and larded with special effects so that every one that saw it in the cinema felt like they could maybe do with watching it again. No one really needs to see Inception again, you won't learn anything from it, and the film's internal logic loops pointlessly back onto itself to deliberately confound sensible interpretation. It's not profound, it's just facetious. Like that joke 'what would you rather be or a wasp?' but told to you and then explained in arcane detail by a frowning Leonardo DiCaprio. </td></tr>
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If you manage to get out without a copy of Inception you have won.<br />
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This retail experience, which is the kind of 'things you might like' cross-selling you get on the internet but made physical could be applied to all kinds of funnelled crowd. So if you forced all the people getting on the tube to walk through a tunnel filled with products some of them would definitely take something even if they weren't 'shopping'. The fact of the thing's merely being available is advertisement enough. All we need to do is streamline the process of paying for things so that as soon as you pick something up, you have already paid for it.<br />
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The idea of ' shopping' is sort of old fashioned anyway. We're always shopping, even when we're at work.<br />
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Ten years ago we might have said that the Internet was like a big department store, in fact what's happening is that big spaces like the Westfield are becoming a sort of physical version of the internet 'events' and curiosities with shops in between.<br />
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PS: I've been blogging about 2 years now. That's weird isn't it? Check out this post <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/01/eschaton-sale.html">from 2008,</a>when I thought the world was about to end.<br />
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PPS: <a href="http://www.creativereview.co.uk/back-issues/creative-review/2010/august-2010/crit-will-self">Tits and Bums Magazine have posted my Will Self piece in full</a>. I still have the transcript of that interview, which I might put on here next year, if you're lucky.williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-57627252314617372812010-12-20T15:47:00.003+00:002010-12-20T15:48:01.102+00:00Don't normally post this kind of smut<iframe frameborder="0" height="225" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/11673844" width="400"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/11673844">Super Sexy CPR</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user3425496">Super Sexy CPR</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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Apart from <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2009/05/unlike-some-bloggers-i-dont-normally.html">when I do.</a>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-16387022840361921132010-12-15T10:44:00.002+00:002010-12-15T10:49:50.520+00:00It's all getting a bit Noddy Holder<object height="472" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.bbc.co.uk/emp/external/player.swf"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><param name="FlashVars" value="config_settings_showUpdatedInFooter=true&config_settings_showFullScreenButton=true&config_settings_showPopoutButton=false&config_settings_bitrateCeiling=1000&playlist=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ebbc%2Eco%2Euk%2Fcomedy%2Fforge%2Dassets%2Fextra%2Fplaylist%2Fp00cqy83%2Exml&config_settings_skin=black&config=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ebbc%2Eco%2Euk%2Fcomedy%2Fforge%2Dassets%2Fextra%2Femp%2Fempconfig%2Exml&config_settings_showFooter=true&"></param><embed src="http://www.bbc.co.uk/emp/external/player.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="472" FlashVars="config_settings_showUpdatedInFooter=true&config_settings_showFullScreenButton=true&config_settings_showPopoutButton=false&config_settings_bitrateCeiling=1000&playlist=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ebbc%2Eco%2Euk%2Fcomedy%2Fforge%2Dassets%2Fextra%2Fplaylist%2Fp00cqy83%2Exml&config_settings_skin=black&config=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ebbc%2Eco%2Euk%2Fcomedy%2Fforge%2Dassets%2Fextra%2Femp%2Fempconfig%2Exml&config_settings_showFooter=true&"></embed></object><br />
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Voices by Tony Law, who is Canadian.williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-4071877726536661752010-12-13T10:38:00.002+00:002010-12-13T12:22:58.754+00:00Fakin' Bacon<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qyQb192-CPQ?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qyQb192-CPQ?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object><br />
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<br />
This is like the <a href="http://notvoodoo.blogspot.com/2010/09/yeah-yeah-i-know.html">Jack Black reality nexus</a> but done with a bit more style and a better script. It won't be long before we do away entirely with the concept of 'characters' in films (ie actors playing other people) and all screenplays will be written around the behaviour of celebrities. So Pirates of the Caribbean would be a film about Johny Depp playing a pirate in the film called Pirates of the Caribbean.<br />
<br />
In fact, here's a mediocre article about the <a href="http://blogs.channel4.com/culture/art-true-matter">very same phenomenon. </a>williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-79707968116094828612010-12-13T09:59:00.000+00:002010-12-13T09:59:56.835+00:00Black Ops<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/smETLCCPTVo?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/smETLCCPTVo?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object><br />
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I spent the weekend playing Black Ops in the shadow of my 8ft Christmas tree. You know you have a problem when you start leaving parties early, claiming you have a self-help group first thing, in the certain knowledge that you're really going home to kill Swedish children (online right, Jeez, Thames Valley Police).<br />
<br />
If anyone wants to form advertising clan, my callsign is NotVoodoo. <br />
<br />
That's a great little video isn't it?williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-8085304612275044252010-12-08T16:09:00.001+00:002010-12-08T16:13:11.299+00:00Inconvenience: the new convenience<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TP-CDP6qViI/AAAAAAAAAw0/l1_pg-TS6xo/s1600/IMG_0102.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TP-CDP6qViI/AAAAAAAAAw0/l1_pg-TS6xo/s320/IMG_0102.JPG" width="320" /></a> <br />
I just bought an ancient iMac so that I can write in the mornings without web drift. It has no internet connection, and makes weird clicking and whirring sounds as the hard disk drive spins. I think there may really be cogs in there.<br />
<br />
The iMac runs OS9, but to run the edition of Word I like I need at least OS10. In order to update to OS10 you have to update the firmware, in order to update the firmware, you have to update the OS to 9.1. And to find any of this out, you need to spend a great deal of time searching arcane retro Mac forums. Which you can't do on an iMac which is not plugged into the internet.<br />
<br />
<br />
Yes, but it was fascinating right. Not just because I'm likely to find any procrastination ritual around writing wholly absorbing. It was like a problem solving treasure hunt.<br />
<br />
Also ...<br />
<br />
This agency is on an eco kick at the moment, and they've installed these kettles. If you consider a kettle as a labour saving device, these are shit kettles, in that they make it harder to boil a cup of tea. They have two chambers, so you have to fill one chamber, and then pump the water into the other chamber to boil it. The mechanism forces you to actively choose how much water you're boiling. They also sometimes squirt boiling water out of the spout when turned upright, which I think is just an unintentional piece of design, rather than a ploy to put you off the whole idea of drinks served at boiling point.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TP-lMjmI7eI/AAAAAAAAAw4/av-zWvwuAwU/s1600/08122010006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TP-lMjmI7eI/AAAAAAAAAw4/av-zWvwuAwU/s320/08122010006.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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Also ... <br />
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Video games too, have this same balance of toughness and easiness. Part of their appeal is to allow you to achieve virtual mastery of very hard things on a much more forgiving learning curve than in reality. Think the scene in the Matrix <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmEPXXJ4sKw&feature=&p=5F71B60BD96131BC&index=0&playnext=1">where Keanu Reeves masters kung fu in 5 minutes</a>. Or Guitar Hero. They are designed to be just hard enough that you keep playing, but not so easy that they're no fun. Essentially they're designed <i>for </i>difficulty. Overcoming the difficulty induces satisfaction.<br />
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Design used to be about making our lives easier. But now our lives are easier I reckon DESIGN IS ALL ABOUT THE PROPER ACTING OUT OF OUR FUCKING NEUROSES.<br />
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Right, I'm now going to get dressed up as Victorian dandy and go the office Christmas party.williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-29498060234807474582010-11-26T09:27:00.002+00:002010-11-26T10:10:25.333+00:00i is not selling enough papers is i?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TO92ER5uTuI/AAAAAAAAAww/kz6a5_1Op6M/s1600/iisshit.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TO92ER5uTuI/AAAAAAAAAww/kz6a5_1Op6M/s640/iisshit.gif" width="451" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Britain's <i>newest</i> daily? WTF is wrong with you?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>In our business it's easy to get resentful when, as happens from time to time, someone tells you your idea is shit.<br />
<br />
In fact, one of the great drivers for career progress in advertising is to reach a level of seniority where if anyone tells you your idea is shit, you can sack them on the spot. Whole agencies have been built on this principle.<br />
<br />
Personally I believe there's nothing like a bracing blast of unstinting honesty to stimulate those sections of the imagination that are powered by doubt, fear and resentment. What is cut down grows back twice as strong. It's worth learning to love criticism. Without it you might do something mad, like recording a three hour long hip-hopera, making a Star Wars prequal, or publishing a not quite free-sheet in competition with your own newspaper.<br />
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According to industry sources, the circulation of 'i' is now down to well below 70,000 per day. They've also cut 10,000 from sales of the Independent and enraged the journalists union by employing no new people to publish double the number of the newspapers. A newspaper that is failing, quickly becomes a failure's newspaper. No one wants to justify to their friends why they're paying 20p for the only rag worse than the Metro.<br />
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The name 'i' is confusing, fiddly to type with autocorrect, impossible to search for online and makes a nonsense of almost any sentence you care to put it in. Basing a headline campaign around the paper's title is up there in the bad decision stakes with the bad decision to publish the thing in the first place. At best the headlines sound like they were guest written by Sacha Baron Cohen, at worst, just plain illiterate. A consequence perhaps of employing an agency whose creative department is drawn almost entirely from the JLS fanbase, without an English GCSE between them.<br />
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So look, Alexander Lebedev, you ridiculous ex-KGB oligarch, I'm going to tell you because someone needs to: your idea is shit.williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-42623305536751278452010-11-24T16:20:00.005+00:002010-11-24T18:41:07.087+00:00Never forget ... the possiblity of rape<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TO04WUrcTgI/AAAAAAAAAws/ficqO_PaQEI/s1600/IMG_0094.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TO04WUrcTgI/AAAAAAAAAws/ficqO_PaQEI/s400/IMG_0094.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>Because there's really nothing worse than being locked out, or having to borrow a fiver off one of your mates, or, you know, being brutally raped.<br />
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This a truly weird product, a rape alarm, that's also a stylish urban fashion accessory. Am I right in thinking that BBH developed it?<br />
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Ad agencies have a weird relationship with rape, they're largely male environments and there's something about the riskiness of rape as the ultimate shocking form of coercion. Creatives bring a special nasty relish to these briefs: 'yeah, shocking innit? Well it's meant to be love.'<br />
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You can't really advertise a rape alarm without also making women mindful of the real and constant possibility of rape and therefore spreading fear. Their sales figures would serve as a barometer for just how unsafe women feel. The best viral campaign would be an episode of Sex and the City that opened with Sarah Jessica Parker walking along talking to herself and then suddenly being sexually assaulted. With the line 'rape can happen when you least expect it.'<br />
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Yep, it's a brief I would happily turn down.williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21811294.post-49900106699417030232010-11-22T10:22:00.009+00:002010-11-22T17:56:58.877+00:00New Wave Coffee ShopsWhen you give up alcohol you end up spending a great deal of time in coffee shops. There used to be two kinds in London which sold passable coffee: <br />
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<b>Italian coffee shops, eg Brunos, Bar Italia, Ponti's</b><br />
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They were making lattes when Starbucks was still the Seattle Coffee Co. They buy eye-poppingly strong coffee from the Algerians in Soho on a contract going back 70 years. They'll sell you a gristly bacon sandwich, but for cultural reasons are generally unable to make tea. Coffee comes in an unbranded Styrofoam cup and costs £1.50. There is rarely music, other than the sound of media types affecting allrightmateyeah camaraderie, like they spent the day digging up a road, rather than hatching a really exciting social network strategy for stock cubes.<br />
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<b>Chain coffee companies, eg Starbucks, Caffe Nero, Costa</b><br />
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As stand-up, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHval5YIaHs&NR=1">Rick Shapiro</a>, says Starbucks is a true representation of modern America: 'fag food, at Jew prices, in a WASPY environment'. (It's funny when he says it, trust me, and/because he is Jewish, and used to be a rentboy). There isn't really anything I can tell you about Starbucks that you don't already know. I don't <i>like </i>Starbucks, and yet it is a business I patronise on a daily basis, more than almost any other (apart from Amazon). Everyone feels this way about Starbucks, and you can tell from their toilets. There is always someone in the Starbucks toilet, and no matter how meek and apologetic they look when they come out, it always turns out they've enacted a hideous dirty protest all over the loo seat, the back wall, the mirror etc. <br />
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These days there is a third kind of coffee shop:<br />
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<b>Boutique coffee shops, eg Nude Espresso, Flat White, Wild and Wood, Store Street Espresso</b><br />
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You don't have to have a sailor tattoo on your fucking neck to work in these places but it helps. Fewer Eastern Europeans, and more people who look like they might be in a band, but aren't actually in a band - beards and piercings also encouraged. Don't even think about asking for an extra shot, or hot milk with your americano, because it will 'ruin the flavour' of the coffee. The soundtrack will be some combination of Beck, MGMT and Fleetwood Mac. Coffee is venerated in these places, in fact the point of this post, was that I realised on Saturday that the whole aesthetic of these cafes, including the staff who'd rather you weren't there, is taken from galleries. Look, check it out:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TOpCt_CC0pI/AAAAAAAAAwk/tD1-jmNYyMg/s1600/IMG_0088.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TOpCt_CC0pI/AAAAAAAAAwk/tD1-jmNYyMg/s320/IMG_0088.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Store St Espresso</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TOpCujS_jmI/AAAAAAAAAwo/46xroteQVlk/s1600/IMG_0087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_oa_dcpChg8Y/TOpCujS_jmI/AAAAAAAAAwo/46xroteQVlk/s320/IMG_0087.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hmmm. What could it mean?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>In some places, like Nude Espresso, the prints on the wall actually show coffee.<br />
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The point is to venerate the product, by giving it the trappings of art.<br />
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You could probably break most kinds of advertising or branding down along these lines also. Things are made to appeal on price, convenience or sensibility. Agencies too, fit the typology - think CST, JWT, Mother.<br />
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Another thing that Nude Espresso proves is that the only good thing about antipodeans is that they're usually not pretentious.<br />
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PS: I should probably mention that the Coffee Plant on Portobello Road, is not just my favourite coffee shop, but one of my favourite places in the world bar none. Doesn't really fit any of the above types, and they will often be playing The Idiot at 8.00am. williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10937585600771849760noreply@blogger.com7