Always outnumbered. Generally overdresssed.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Is this some kind of joke?

Dear Chris Smith –

Recently I was travelling on the Underground with my crew, Black Ryno, Big Ro and Mr. Skripcha.

My companion Big Ro, whose observational skills I had reason to thank God for on more than one occasion, during the long years we spent together at Feltham Young Offenders Institute, pointed out to me a tube card advertisement for The London Dungeon.

It was a notice for an exhibition, which, so far as I could gather, is no more than a prurient survey of the more brutal practices of 18th century medicine.

The London Dungeon’s advertising agency have deigned to use as an advertising device an image of a knife, with the words “DO SOMETHING AGONISING GIVE BLOOD” forming, via a manipulation of the type, the blade of the knife or more properly, dagger.

The copy underneath gave a description of the mercifully obsolete practice of blood-letting, including the evocative words ‘a blunt blade gnawing a vein’.

Imagine sir, that you, as I am, were of just that demographic that lives with the constant possibility of knife attack.

Where even a small disagreement over a paltry quantity of drugs, or an act of verbal disrespect delivered over a grime rhythm by an emcee from a rival crew could and often does turn out very stabbily indeed.

Imagine if every time you turned on the radio, or the television, you saw reports of yet more knife crime.

Imagine that then, on a trip into London’s West End to drink and dance gaily and perhaps, for a moment, forget the horror of your daily life, you were presented with this terrifying message.

Put aside your prejudice for a moment and imagine how I might feel inside. I recognise that it might be hard for you to empathise with me, from the comfort of a life lived in Westminster committee rooms and chauffeur driven Jaguars, but I should say this was part of your job.

Suffice to say that on reading the advert I was so totally overcome that I suffered a moment’s unconsciousness and had to be supported by my crew. When I came round I discovered that Mr. Scripcha had already begun to articulate our demands, these are:

For the immediate withdrawal of this advertisement, as well as a written apology from the creative team at The London Dungeon’s advertising agency, responsible for its conception.

If the Advertising Standards Authority is unable to render us satisfaction, my crew agreed democratically, we would be forced to take matters into our own hands. Again, I trust I can rely on you not to resort to stereotype in your interpretation of this statement.

I look forward to a speedy response from you,

Yours &C &C

G 'da bwoy' C


Ben said...

I'm drunk in Vienna. This isn't quite as funny as I need right now.

Gordon Comstock said...

Ah Vienna, cradle of fascism.

But come on that's a hard demographic, the drunken Viennese demographic, cut a man some slack Ben.

mm said...

I feel the same everytime I come across a kiplings ad.

Mike Laurie said...

there's also a 'THE DOCTOR WILL SAW YOU NOW' one in the same vein, which is also a bit close to the bloody bone if you ask me.